The world is catching up

Dont you sometimes wonder about this ever-changing world - and that it would
be difficult for oldies to match pace with it?

Well, I think so at times. Even at my age (which is not too much btw), I sometimes
find it difficult to relate to kids have boy/girlfriends in class 3 or class 5 (whats with
that!!??).. or to see hardly year old babies press the right buttons on the laptops.
The younger generations are moving way too fast. It must be really harder on
generations previous to mine to catch up with this speed.

But not so apparently. Well my mom shocked me during my vacation by asking me
to bring me a man home instead of a woman! lol Well, its not catching up in the true
sense - but she at her age understanding the pace at which we are running and that
we are susceptible to adapt to the changing tunes is amazing. It still is pretty much
taboo in India to talk about same-sex relationships and topics are not broached
normally in the living room with the entire clan present.

But I guess she has no choice than to move with the times and atleast acknowledge
the changes if not accept them. I think I would had a mild cardiac arrest had she said
she wouldn't mind my partner being a female as long as she was human... lol

So long...

Tell me how
do birds fly
Tell me when
will the earth come to an end
Tell me where
one doesnt feel scared
Tell me why
is blue the color of the sky
Tell me who
puts a smile on you,
when the day is gloom
Tell me why
do flowers bloom..
I will find these answers
on my own..
but will you tell me
why is a simple soul
so blown?

Coupla lines

I waited
for you to be online..
I waited
for you to sing me a line..
I waited
for you to coochie-coo
I waited
for you to say "i love you"

A weird place

the human mind. It automatically tunes in to the near future
and when it is reached - wants to go back in the recent past :-)

The new face

of Pune... my hometown.. where I grew up amidst
lush green trees and spacious gardens... where I
had peace with the sparse traffic.. where cultural
programs and musical dusks-to-dawn enthralled
the audiences.

The most striking change I saw over the weekend
were the amazing lounges, bars and discs that have
come up in the city. Went to this place called Kiva
and it was pretty decent (though not as good as some
of the lounges in good ol' Bangalore).. but yeah, good
when you dont expect them in that place.
And there are many such places around now.. so.. Njoi!

In an ideal world...

I would work 2 weeks and vacation 50!

Wishful thinking I know. But can't help wishing
a longer vacation.. and its just begun. hehe...
Anywho.. have fun.

First snow

first snow
a fresh season
the cold outside
aids cosy liaisons

black and grey
don the sky
a layer of white
questions why?!
Why is it a winter of despair
I will bring
the spring of hope!
Says snow
to leafless trees
coating them
with his cold heat

Cold stays
and so does snow
Spring crawls in
but a li'l slow

Forever Search

Forever a search
A wait forever
Looking for the last drop
to fill my ocean

A long walk
Some soothing silence
to find myself
in this lost world

Find her sitting
on the sand
staring at the sun
the ocean in her hand

Lost in herself
the wait over
another one starts
to find the reason

Every day is about...

Choices !

You are forced to make choices from the time to
wake up to the time you should be in bed!
Some of them you like, some (rather most) you dont!

Do you think life would be simpler if you didnt have to
make these choices - or atleast the important ones?!
Well, some of these decisions are really hard to make
and thinking about it even makes one procrastinate.

But what fun is life without challenges and tough choices, huh!

Just another day

A dry "Morning"
a quiet breakfast
the cold "bye"
left me cold

Were you mad
for the other night?
Were you sad
for the display of might?
No....
Thats not true
for the loving you
Crazy me forgot
what I fell for in you

He laughed
and drove my blues away
saying, its just another day

A poor attempt knows moi
Not a Sunday just another day :-)

Games people play :-)

They play the game
and wait
for Someone to say
the answer they want to hear

Does truth change
with the last petal?
Does love stop
with a hung up call?
Is it love if you need an answer.. ?
Is it faith if you need affirmation.. ?

"She loves me not"
says the last petal
"I love you"
says her heart
Take your pick
and choose your faith
whichever you choose
unless you believe
will be your myth

Flowers fade and people lie
days gone by, times spent together
never lie
They come back whom you let go
then you ask your flower
if she loves you

Is it Diwali??

Really?!Well, its not so obvious here..
No markets overflowing with people, no jostling for a parking
spot, no new clothes, no decorations, no diyas, no ear-shattering
fire-crackers.

For the first time in so many years (refraining from mentioning
my age, I guess you figured ;) ) I am not home for Diwali.
For the first time in so many years - none of us siblings are at
home for Diwali. Its a first for my parents too and they are not liking it.
Anyhow.

So its a boring time in Munich currently. Weather is dull and bad with
chances of snow soon, gets dark at 5 in the evening likes it 8.. So not a
good time to be here... and the best part is - the worst is yet to come ! :-)

Colleagues are going to the ISKCON temple in town to offer their prayers
on this day - but I am sure their hidden agenda is to hog the free food :-P
Anyhow.

Have a happy and safe Diwali and a prosperous and healthy year ahead!

London..

Had been to London over the weekend. Was a long
planned vacation which due to the usual chaos in the
software industry was almost canceled. But thanks to
a simple soul who prayed harder every passing day,
I finally made it :)

London is like Mumbai.. at first sight you would not like
it too much... but it grows on you. London is similar to
Mumbai in more ways than one. Since Mumbai was also
colonised by the British you will find a lot of resemblance
between the two cities - almost similar buildings, same red
buses, same crowd (yea almost every 3rd or 4th person you
see will be from the sub-continent), same traffic.. well the list
goes on.

What I liked most about London is that it being a cosmo city
you have amazing range of finding anything and everything.
From food to clothes to accomodation - you will find all sorts.
Yea a non-foodie mentioning food first is surprising but anybody
living in Germany will understand what the variety in food means!!
:) But yea like I mentioned I did not like London because
of the crowd and traffic .. and I like Munich for the exact opposite
reason - its so quiet, calm, sparsely populated and peaceful!
Its gonna be tough moving out of Munich to any other place -
but that we shall see.

Sight-seeing in London was the usual touristy thing I did. I enjoyed
my trip to Greenwich. Going through the history of why we needed
the concept of longitude and how it actually evolved was fascinating.
The other outing I enjoyed (more cos I went around on my own) was
to the Tower of London and the Tower Bridge. Luckily I could catch a
glimpse of the tower bridge making way for a medium sized ship. Wish
I could catch this from the river bank, would have had some lovely pics.
Anyway, next time.

So overall was a short and sweet trip. Will upload some pics later.
Ciao till then..

I hope you feel the song..

But I hope that you feel the song. So now, sometimes, I pray.
I love you more than I can say. Love you more than yesterday.
But I wanna tell you baby. This time I am gonna be sure.
I am coming back for more. I think I love you anyway.

Status message on my friend's chat client. Lovely lines aren't they?

Oktoberfest

Yippie!! Finally visited the famous Oktoberfest. Don ask me the
no-brainer "Did you have Beer?".. Cos I did not .. well technically
I sipped on the famous German Bier.. but as usual couldn't develop
the taste for it inspite of the 'beery' atmosphere. Yeah... think I will
never be able to enjoy a cool bottle on a hot day.

Anyhow.. it was good being at the Oktoberfest. Never saw SO MANY
Germans together and that too in their traditional attire and such
a lovely mood :-P No offense, but I think Germans are tight lipped
until they sip on a few bier's!

Back to the fest... The tents were literally huge... seating more than
2000 or so people. There was music and though they played songs
from different cultures/countries it was never boring.. they kept the
crowd rocking and asking for more. I especially loved the "Ein Prosit"
that they kept playing after almost every song. The songs were good
and peppy and the band and some of their ways to play (with a whip)
music were interesting to watch. I think the band has a double agenda...
to keep the crowd entertained and interested in them as well cos service
is not usually that quick when you have to serve like 2000+ people. :)

Oh I forgot to mention sturdy and strong German women! Believe me you,
its not easy to hold 6 huge krugs with 2 hands!!

Food.... well, it all looked very nicely decorated and tempting - but sadly
too bland to the palate of an Indian! I think I should be a little more adventurous.

Well thats the story inside the tents... outside is a little different.
Same people, same bier and same gaiety... but with roller coasters and
rides and horses and what not.

The weather was good and it felt really good to be outside.. ofcourse I
wish I didnt have to carry my drunk friend home.. else I could have
enjoyed a little more. But there's always a second time ;)

So am hoping I can make it to the fest sometime this week again. Lets see.

Breathless

जैसे कोई हौले से पास बुलाये..........
कैसी मीठी बातें थी वो कैसी मुलाकातें थी वो
जब मैंने जाना था नज़रों से कैसे पिघलते है दिल
और आरजू पाती हैं कैसे मंजिल और ....
कैसे उतरता हैं चाँद है ज़मीन पर
कैसे कभी लगता हैं स्वर्ग अगर हैं तो बस हैं यहीं पर
उसने बताया मुझे और समझाया मुझे
हम जो मिले हैं हमे ऐसे ही मिलना था
गुल जो खिले हैं उन्हें ऐसे ही खिलना था
जनमों के बंधन जनमों के रिश्ते हैं
जब भी हम जन्मे तो हम यूँही मिलते हैं ....

Today was a good day..

Did not have the time to look up from my busy schedule..
The first break I took was at 4pm after starting work at 8am..
and here i am back home at 12 in the night and looking fwd (??)
to getting screwed (pardon my French!) again tomorrow morning
starting 6-7am!?

I am sure the physical deliveries are much less demanding and painful.
God!

But yea it was a good day cos it felt good to go back to doing some
unix shell scripting and stuff. Was less maddening that fighting idiots
or answering stupid questions or convincing a stubborn client.
Every job has its pressures, no doubt. I think it always feels good to
live "a day in the life of xxx" for 1 day ONLY! :)

Nighty night for now.. got a long day tomorrow.

Flattering..

Its been a strange week .. but very entertaining.
Got 2 poems as response to 2 of my posts.
FINALLY was able to spend my Friday evening at a
disc and shake a leg!! Felt like ages since I did that, sigh!

Got hit upon by quite a handful men and though I felt
flattered about it (wow!), the last one of them kinda creeped me out.
If only guys knew to be subtle :-P

So, yeah.... interesting week.. not at work though.
Work is as usual frustrating, though this week should see
almost the last of this phase. Have a big delivery coming up
next Friday, but boy, the labor pain I went through in the
past 3 months does not match even 2 deliveries! Gosh!
Anyhow...

Tomorrow is the start of another gruelling week and I hope
to keep myself sane! :)

Chaotic life

Hi... I know I haven't been regular here for
some time now. Didn't even get the time to
talk about my Paris trip. Soon... hopefully.

Life is very chaotic right now... rather work
is very chaotic, other aspect of life just not
found. Need to do something about it.

Method in the madness??

Ah, what a month it has been.
Tumultous, chaotic, frustrating, overworked!

Like Murphy's law - everything that can wrong, did! :-)
Well, it is chaotic (and dynamic, do they always go together?)
at work. From the threat of being ousted out to seeing a ray of hope
(to look around Europe ;) ) - this month has shown me more than the scenes
I wanted to see. Anyhow. August is going to be much better I am hoping.
Work should settle down now and I hope to achieve the allusive work-life
balance in this new organisation.

जब भी मिलती हैं मुझे....

अजनबी लगती क्यों हैं..
जिंदगी रोज नए रंग बदलती क्यो हैं ...

तुमसे बिछडे है तो अब किससे मिलाती है हमें....
ज़िंदगी देखिये क्या रंग दिखाती है हमें.....

Musing

दूरियाँ हैं दर्मियाँ मगर
दिल नहीं हैं जूदा
जब ख्वाहिशें हो हमराज़
मान जाता हैं खूदा

मिट जायेंगे फ़ासले
मुख्तसर हैं दायरें
चल पड़े हैं हम वहा
जहा तेरी परछाई ही मिले

Replacement...

Today was a good day.. cos I found a drink similar
to the bacardi breezer I used to have back in India.
Tried the Smirnoff light alcoholic drink (3% alcohol)
which tastes almost like the breezer.
So.. I have my poison available to me now.. Cheers.

Will post about my trip to the amusement later...
too tired right now from all the fun I had :-)

Interefering or Responsible?

Does your job end if you have raised an issue and passed
it on to higher management to resolve it?

Personally I don't think so. I believe you should do all in
your capacity to find a solution to the problem or to atleast
mitigate the risk. You don't get paid just to do your job - you
are also expected to raise the flag when you think the project
is going off-track. I expect my team members to do that and
m sure it is expected of me as well. That is the value add you
do - not just to the company but to your job as well. If you do
not leverage your experience and your expertise - what purpose
does it serve? Well, I have nothing to counter the argument of
"I am not getting paid enough to do value add" :-)

Professionally I am being pushed to do it though. The reasoning
given to me is that you cannot do push beyond a limit when you
are not in charge of something. It is true to a great extent and I
am already feeling the heat of it - since I have raised a few flags
I might be on the way to being labelled a trouble-ticket. :-)
That apart, the fact remains that every person has a different
style of working and as long as everything gets done in time
and with quality - it should be OK. But that is the question -
do we wait till the end to see if that style is good or not?
Should you not correct course - yours or someone else's -
to save time, money and efforts - or should you just have
some fun at someone else's expense?

Then again, it depends on the situation. Not all techniques work
in all situations and that is the wisdom that comes with age...
and since I am too young (;-)) to be aged - I think I will learn
the tricks - some the hard way, some at somebody else's expense.

Wait ...

मी वाट पाहते तुझी असं तुला कधी वाटलच नाही ...
आसवांनी भिजलेला रुमाल तुला कधी दिसलाच नाही ...

Perceptions

मैं छुपाना जानता तो जग मुझे साधू समझता
शत्रु बन गया है छल-रहित व्यवहार मेरा

lovely 2 lines from Harivansh Rai Bachchan
Seen on BigB's blog.

Eine sehr schöne Frau..

... was what a total stranger said to me today on a regular road in
Munich and then checked if I was married and since I am
"noch nicht" - asked me out on a date. Lol!!!

It was one of the funniest conversations I have had with a stranger.

Just

ajnabi chehre
gumnaam raahein
kadam pehchaane
nayi chahein

Satisfying days..

I am sure you have had days/months/years where you
would be so overworked that you would just crash into
bed once you reach home from work - if you reach that is!
Well, I am currently in that phase and believe you me...
it is satisfying.. to have made the best possible use of your
day. Its a feeling the lazy amongst us won't understand.

Before I joined this project, I thought I was good at time
management. But there's always room for improvement.
And here I am... a new, improved and better utilised me!
Ofcourse I do miss my wild party days.. been ages since I
went to a party.. but I am liking this as well. I think I will
enjoy a party more when I go to one now. ;-)

Some time management tips I re-learnt in the past 2 weeks :
1. When dealing with a chatty person - announce the time you
want to spend with them as soon as the talk begins.
2. KISS - ;-) Keep it short silly! Write crisp mails and follow
up with a phone call if required. This saves time required to
reply to elaborate mails.
3. Prioritise and Categorise
4. ALWAYS do the four quadrant check on a task.
5. Delegate with authority. (I learnt this from one of my previous managers).

I think this is enough gyan for now.. Have a good time ;)

Tschuss!

Sleepless in some place - An ode.

"*****
hume sunaakar daastan pariyon ki
gaye khud sapno ke jahaan mein,
wo neendein chura gaye hamari
saza unhe hum de na paaye

nazaarein dikha gaye hamari nazaron se unhe wo,
unki shaame kati unhi yaadon ke saaye mein
ye bhi kya saza kam hogi..
ke yaad aaenge hum unhe har shaam har seher mein
*****"

Well... I penned it down cos I couldn't do anything more
constructive at 2 in the morning after being woken up
by a phone call. I ain't complaining about the phone
call.. infact, it was a bolt from the past. Yea, wouldn't
even call it a flash cos it was more than that. I am sure you
must have felt what I am feeling right now... when you don't
expect something to go from the 'past tense' to 'present tense'..
that something you had will never come back again or things
will be as they were earlier or the way you left them.
So it definitely feels nice to talk to a long lost friend :-)

My poem above is an ode to the one below:

Without you nearby
I am lost
Yet I am home
Life is a paradox.

Hectic days ahead.

Its fun.. my current schedule.
I am so extremely tied up at work that its almost
impossible to think of any time for myself. I think
all my days can only be 'hectic' for the next few
months... only the degree will vary. I might even
introduce another degree right next to superlative :-P
No.. I am not running a country.. but well,
mis-management creates jobs for itself, right? Anyway.
I also have the Herculean task of finding an apartment
and soon. Alongside,I also might be visiting this famous castle
close to the city as part of my time-killing exercise on the
weekend. I rather dont have that much time to kill cos
I have to read up a lot about my new job..but you remember your
college days, don't you?! :-) But.... I'm loving it!

Footsteps

she looked behind
a tear slid down
a step forward
a foot turned around

a snow-capped mountain
beckoned ahead
a warm sea shore
pulled her inside

'Hi' is easy
'Bye' is tough
Beginning of an end
the other, the end.

Life is such
it gives you both
You live, you choose
your life 'n' your small deaths

Deutschland welcomes you..

The land of the Black Forest and Oktoberfest..

Munchen(Munich) welcomes all. My home to be for some
time now - is a nice place at first glance. Warm,
friendly and inviting (though the U/S-bahn system
is confusing to a new comer).

I am currently put up in a hotel provided by my employer.
I have the onerous task of looking for an apartment.
Will start sometime Monday. Currently getting to
know the city and my way around. My colleagues here
are very helpful and have offered to show me around the
most important places.. like the indian stores :-P
I think an Indian looks forward to grocery shopping
onlywhens/he does it when not in India. :-)
Well, I am ofcourse going to try out the german cuisine
but at a slightly slower pace for two reasons. Firstly,
my gastric issues since my appendicitis operation last year
are persisting and I have been advised to avoid processed
food.. which is almost impossible when you are in another
country and LAZY to cook :-) Secondly, I have to yet develop
an attitude to try-out/eat meat other than chicken and fish.
Its a big barrier to break - and i am very sure it is not due to
the culture factor alone. Well I can say this cos I took up
eating fish like umm... fish to water (pun intended).. unlike
with chicken. I ate very little of chicken but i can gorge on a
whole tuna. So anyway.

The hotel I am living in has service apartments and is pretty neat.
So cooking is not an issue and I am doing my bit to help consumerism.
;)

So long... will keep updating you on life in Munich. Auf Wiedersehen.

Dekhi zamaane ki yaari....

Bichade sabhi baari baari...

ud ja ud ja pyaase bhanvare, ras na milega kaaron mein
kaagaz ke phul jahaan khilate hain, baith na un gulazaaro mein
naadan tamanna reti men, ummid ki kashti kheti hai
ik haath se deti hai duniyaa, sau haathon se leti hai
ye khel hai kab se jaari
bichade sabhi, bichade sabhi baari baari.

New beginning

Today was my first day at my new work place.
'was OK. Not as organised as IBM ofcourse -
but I think the chaos would be the same.
Somehow despite it being the core competency
of the HR department, managing people still
seems to be difficult for HR - no matter where you go!

Was woken up to the other facts of life and work.
Dress codes, no flexi-work options, time sheets etc..
man do I think I will survive? Time will tell.

Adventure Account

:-)

I am sure you have now guessed that I had a great
adventure trip. Yes, I did.
It was fun waking up in the wee hours - though an
hour later than we wanted to - and pack up for a
loooong drive and day ahead. We started to Pune
at 6 in the morning and were greeted by the windmills
on the outskirts of Chitradurga pretty much on time.
An accident and subsequent road blocks delayed our
journey by around 45 minutes or so. From then on
it was a pretty decent road minus the Chitradurga-
Davanagere patch which was pathetic.
Trouble hit when my brother noticed something fly out
from the bottom of the car onto the highway. Tried
to find out what it was but too late to go back on a busy
highway looking for a forsaken piece of, well, ...
Our average speed took a hit after this and we were trying
to be careful with the vehicle. A few more jams on the
otherwise awesome highway saw us frustrated a little but
we were determined. The journey finally ended at 1am that
morning at my home sweet home. Overall an exciting journey.

I sooo missed my partner from the last trip in this trip.
Yes we weren't driving easy like last time. That trip was
fun. We halted overnight on the way and so had ample time
on hand to stop at places of interest or just to take a break.
Dude... thank you for that trip :-) Muah!

So I am back home now... in the not-so-sweltering summer heat
but still bad enough for me. It made me sweat a little more
when I got to know it poured in Bangalore today ! Damn!! :-(
I think someone is missing me in Bangalore ;-)

Adventure Season

Starting on another adventure tomorrow..
another long drive .. ~900 kms, 3 drivers,
and 16 hours. Hope to make it in one day.

Mixed feelings right now, about leaving this
city which has been my home for a cool 10yrs
now.. wow! First came to the city in 1998 as
a fresh graduate joining my then dream IT org.
And now here I am.. 10yrs in the industry.
Seems so long and so quick at the same time :-)
This city has seen me through my ups and downs
and always brought me back from my lows.
I have experienced amazing freedom , made such
close friends who have been such an important part
of my life, have had my moments of epiphany here
and have connected so closely to this city.
So yes I am a little sad to leave this place.

At the same time I am happy as well for multiple
reasons. Ofcourse on the personal front I am making
progress, moving on to better and exciting things,
exploring newer places which I always wanted to do.
The other reason is I was so unhappy with the way this city
has turned out in the past 10 yrs. The Bangalore in 98 and
the Bangalore in 08 is so different.. its an effort to stay
connected and then its no fun. So.

Well, I believe everything happens for a reason and
everything happens for the best.. :-)
Enjoy the ride...

a few words

Faith, they say
Keep it.
Knives in your back
Keep it?

Hope,
a bright tomorrow
Blinded by today
can one see it?

Laughter,
the best medicine
Why at the expense
of someone else?

Love,
over hyped, over rated
Difficult to find even one
where it lasted.

Change,
is the constant
It helps me stay sane
rooted in my own idiosyncrasies.

Banyan and a piece of sky

In the darkness
the banyan talks to the sky
two strangers on a familiar night

Running days,
nights all along
the Sky envies one
whom the roots belong
I follow a Mirage it said
a Horizon is all I get in the end

Stuck to the Earth
from birth till death
the Banyan sighs, sights beyond
rotations and revolutions
I have been around
I have been there while
stuck to the ground

Woes shared, sighs understood
Both argue n both withdrew
Dawn brings in a new day
with hope and thrill
to meet a new stranger
in the hallway

Ye jo hai zindagi...

Jaate hain junoon me
naya jahaan kamaane
chod aaye jo jahaan yaad na aaye deewane?

purani raahein rahengi
sada jawaan mere man me
besabab poochta hai koi to hum kya sunaaye?

laut ke na aaya
panchchi ek bhi bahar uda
tujhe bhi aazma legi zindagi fikr na kar matwaale

afsos nahi ke choota
bachpan ka aangan hamaara
gum is baat ka.. bachpan ki yaari ne bhi na pehchaana

Its official...

That I am quitting my current organisation in search of greener
pastures and a brighter future!

I will be moving to my home town of Pune around mid of this month.
And from there will move to the meadow as soon as I get a clearance.

Feat of two

Well.... apparently I am a black magic woman for
a couple of my closest friends. Its a compliment ofcourse
and I am loving it :-)

Yeah, I think I do cast a spell on people, especially men,
and apparently one that lasts pretty long :-P or so they say!
And I am very naughty... wise and otherwise ;-) So I do
play pranks and tricks and catch people by surprise... But
I almost always make up for them if the other person has not
liked it :-) I am an angel!

Yes, it does feel good to know that you can have such an
effect on someone. Enjoy it till it lasts :-) Muaaah!!!

Arz kiya hai...

Itani masumiyat se poochate hai kya hua
dil jal gaya hamara unhe nazar na aaya dhua

Although one is often not enough...

Two is often too many!

Do you agree? Well I think I do.
Take the case of my frequent visits to my home-town.
I was there in the beginning of this month, I am going there
this weekend and I also might go again in the end of month.
And it is still not going to be enough for my parents to see me
so often that they will insist I stay back or visit more.

Now com'on there are limits to any body's endurance levels!
I know I am young and can travel more than they can.. and that
I dont have as many strings attached as them and am more flexible
unlike them... I agree to most of it. BUT... how much of family can
a person like me take!? I love my parents and siblings and pets...
believe me... but too much of anything is bad... right?

So I would like to keep my visits infrequent and short and sweet.
That ensures a lot of things, like, novelty of visit, affection, saves
money, saves time otherwise wasted travelling, that you dont fall sick
from a change of place and climate.
Yes it sometimes makes you more homesick but then it also makes
you tough I would say.Its sad that your parents wont see you as often
as they would like, but I guess thats life, never on your own terms.

Thats an interesting though actually... living life and the terms on which
it is lived... but some other day. My biological disturbances will else
hijack the whole of this post and veer it into nowhere. :-)

Thought of the day.

Read this somewhere in one my aimless surfs. Liked it. :-)

Missing you isn't what hurts... it's knowing that I once had you
that kills me!

A sucker for justice

A friend of mine recently explicitly stated in words
the thought that has been in my mind for a couple of months
now... that I am a sucker for justice.

Well this post wouldn't be if he had put it in such a complimentary
way :-) Those are my words. What he said was that I am vengeful..
which if you look at it minutely is not a bad thing. Some of the salient
points that come to mind when you think about it are :-
Firstly, you seek revenge only when you feel SO DAMN passionately
about something or someone. If only you care...

Secondly, no one gets back over trivial things.. those who do should
consult Dr. Juhi Chawla in Krazzy4, in which she is a psychiatrist.
It's only when you see a pattern that you realise you are being taken
for granted, taken for a ride... that is when most people's ego gets
injured and revolts in the same josh as that of a beaten up hero who
has to rise and fight to save the heroine. When the string of events repeats
and without an iota of concern or sensitivity about it towards the other person,
people get the feeling of being treated like a doormat. So getting back is a way of
ensuring that you get your due and are treated at par.. which is my next point.

This is a very subtle but very important point. When someone gets back
at you what do you feel? Do you feel the power the other person weilds?
In more ways than one? Do you at that moment get awed by the confidence
the other person has just displayed and blinded you with it?
:-) I am sure you do. It also goes on to show that the other person wants to be
treated equally, with as much respect that you expect to be treated with. It says that
I am no less and I can beat you at your own game! But more than about beating someone
at their own game, it is about getting respect that is due in any relation, irrespective of
the status of the ppl involved.. rich-poor, married-single,professional-housewife..
Yes it hurts the male ego more if the person you are dealing with is a woman..
but its the age of the woman! Get used to it !!

I am sure you will now argue with your valid point of perception. What if what has
been perceived as injustice or taking for a ride is a mere perception problem?
What if the intent was nothing that came out as you thought it was? Fair enough.
But I firmly believe that a repeated mistake is a sin. You gotta mend it dude.
Either the way you deal with people or the way you manage perceptions.
Other people see you as you really are more than you see yourself in the mirror.
So there's gotta be some fire for the smoke to rise.

All said and done, you cannot handle any relationship - friendship or otherwise -
as a business deal. There are no accounts in there... it doesn't work that way
for me atleast. BUT..... and thats a big but... there has to be mutual respect for bliss
to last... and if that means you have to show the stick to someone once in a
while it ain't bad.

A happening weekend.. :-)

Yea, I have been away.. but all for good reason.
Currently cooling my heals at my home town of Pune. Social
obligations are a necessary evil. This time it brought into focus
the networking skills of the previous generation. Functions like
weddings, naming ceremonies, engagements, even death - used to
be their only source of connection with new people. And I will not
hesitate to say that the previous generation was not shy to
make new contacts. The best part of it I think was that though
they wanted to grow their network primarily to get an advantage -
either social image upgradation or financial discounts or plain
physical help - they maintained it with more affection and care
than the current generation does. Anyhow.

So yeah, I had a happening weekend. For heaven's sake - I
woke up at 4am in the morning to travel 3 hours to a wedding
which wasn't even mine :-P The wedding was at Mumbai and in
March end - so you can imagine the heat and humidity. Thankfully
the wedding hall was air conditioned, so that was a HUGE relief.
Then met a dear ol' friend of mine. I surprised myself when i met
him. I never expected myself to choke up on emotions after meeting
someone after such a long gap. It was amazing and just goes to
tell me how much deeper still waters run.

Then happened the happening part. Met another friend of mine
and we went out partying. Enigma at JW Mariott in Juhu was hell
crowded for a saturday night! :-( Gosh - Mumbai has too many HNI's.
Get more discs/pubs Mumbai - or get a bigger place :-)
Well that wasn't happening. What was that we saw Raghuram, the now
executive producer of MTV Roadies fame along with Bani (last year's
runner up and now VJ) and Anmol (this year's contestant who was voted
out in the knock out episodes). So we went and said "hi hello" and told
Raghu how much we like Roadies. Towards the end of the evening
Raghu and I shook a leg and this event came close to being the highlight
of my trip. Was a good feeling partying till 3/4 am in the morning which
mere mortals in Bangalore can never get to do - thanks to the administration
which believes going back home early will prevent crime (as if the daylight
dacoities and murders aren't enough proof against it).
Sunday till afternoon was normal with me getting the real feel of Mumbai
after I took a local train till Dadar. Till the time I stepped my foot on the
platform I wasn't sure I was gonna be able to alight on time.
Well the rest of Sunday was alright - had to deck up and sit pretty for
most part of the evening. Unfortunately the cool dude at the wedding reception
made an early exit, so was a bummer. But nevertheless :-)

So how was your weekend? :-)

Self-annihilating Love Destroys And Liberates

Love essentially means somebody else has become far more important than yourself. That may be distressing for your existence is threatened. You will lose all your freedom and everything that you have. The moment you say “I love you” you can no more do what you want in your life.
There are innumerable problems, but at the same time it’s pleasant. It’s sweet. It drags you in. It is self-annihilating. If you do not annihilate yourself, you will never know love. Some part of you must die. If you don’t let this happen, there is no love, only calculation.
What you call as love generally is a mutual benefit scheme. It’s an arrangement. There is still some sweetness in this; mutually, both people are benefited, but it is conditional. If you get very unreasonable the other person will slowly back off. Even in your love affair you have to be reasonable. But devotion is unreasonable love. It is one-sided madness. That is the beauty of loving God because you don’t have to have a relationship — you can just love. And if you have a relationship, it’s all on your terms...
Love is self-annihilating because your personality, likes, dislikes — you are willing to surrender when you really love somebody. When there is no love, people are rigid. When suddenly they fall in love with someone, they are willing to twist themselves any way they need to, which is a fantastic spiritual process because you are becoming flexible.
So love is definitely self-annihilating; that’s the most beautiful part of it, as long as you don’t handle it as a deal. We have formed a variety of relationships in our lives. There is indeed expression of love in these relationships. It should be there in everything that you do. But when we are talking about love as a spiritual process, as a process of self-annihilation, when we use the word “annihilation”, it looks like a negative word.
Whether you call it annihilation or liberation, destruction or nirvana, when we say, Shiva is a destroyer, we are saying he is a compulsive lover. Love is not necessarily self-annihilation, it could be just annihilation. It all depends who you love. So he destroys you; because if it doesn’t destroy you, it is not a genuine love affair.
When i say “destroy you”, it doesn’t mean destroying your home, your business, this or that. When what you call as “myself ”, your rigid personality, is destroyed in the process of loving, that is self-annihilation.
If you love a man, woman or a child, in the process of loving not just you are getting entangled, the other person also gets entangled. Once the entanglement is mutual, you cannot release yourself when you grow out of it.
The idea of looking up and loving Krishna, loving Jesus, loving something up there or loving a guru is because you need not have any fear of entanglement from the other side. You love as much as you want; when you grow out of it, there is no resistance from the other side. That is the beauty of devotion. Without some sense of love in you, without some sense of self-annihilation, you cannot meditate. If you pull down the whole of what you call as “myself ”, you will become absolutely still and transcendent.

No no... I haven't become a sadhvi or "devdas"i yet. :-)
I found this interesting piece in the "Speaking Tree" section of my daily newspaper.
So thought would share. It makes sense, doesn't it?

Kashti, Kinara

Itani berukhi se wo muh mod ke chal diye
aankhon me jo tha moti, samandar chala gaya
jhoomati naiyya ko kinara jaise mil gaya tha
toofan thama to jazeera bhi na saamne aaya
Aisi berukhi se bhala hua hai bhala kiska
na kashti na kinara paa saka muqaddar khudka

Only Q... No A

Is being cynical same as being an "informed rational" ?
Does optimism come from strength or does is it come from being foolhardy?
Does your preference for "enjoying the ride" label you as commitment phobic?
Have you noticed.. if you keep adjusting/adapting to everything you tend to be taken for granted?
Do you think "acceptance" can help you make peace with the outside?
Do you agree that the more educated/sophisticated of people are the ones who tend to stick more to traditions/rituals?
Do you think it is difficult to connect to people who have been part of/dug into your baggage?
Have you met any seriously boring people? But still ended up having a good conversation? :-P
Why is relativity so distantly related between people?
Is your strength perceived as your weakness? How do you handle it?
Are you worried about getting wrongly labeled?
Do you think that if you don't reach out things will not happen?
Are humans inherently "once bitten, twice shy" or are they hopelessly optimistic cos "ummeed pe duniya kayam hai" ?
Are stable systems stagnant?
Why do rules change with every player when humans, true to their genes, inevitably play the same game?
Does an ill-fitting shoe hurt less only because it's branded?
Do you agree that at times its insanity which brings calm in a crazy world?

The Unbearable Lightness Of Being.... do you feel it?

New acquaintance

My mom is around to support me during my health concern
related to my backbone. So its a re-acquaintance with my
mother-tongue (pun intended) :-P
There is an overdose of Marathi and marathi channels in
my life these days. Here is a list of what has become an
integral part of everyone's daily lives (including rural india
at times) with the actual words in the language.

Vaiyaktik aayushya - Personal life
Saraav - Practise
Paathicha kana - Backbone
Vivaran - Explanation, elaboration
Praastavik - Introduction
Zaahiraat - Advertisement
Niga - Look after, take care of
Aacharan - Behaviour
Savistar Vrutta - Detailed report
Paatalyantri - Plotter, derogatory
Karasthani - See Paatalyantri
Kagadopatri - On paper
Shikkamortab - Stamped and sealed
Havaaman Khate - Weather Bureau
Dhrushtikshep - range of vision, glance
Paahunchar - Hospitality
Krutrim - Artificial
Dwaad - Brat, mischievous brat
Khijganati - not exactly sure what this means,
but apparently it is something trivial
Khatri - Sureness
Kaayada aani suvyavasthata - Law and order
Halgarjipana - Carelessness


Akkalkhati gahaan - Written off due to stupidity,
used when you have acted dumb and lost
Pain in the a** - Awaghad jaagicha dukhana

Though some of these are hilarious to read and hear
it is a refreshing break from the nonsensical chatter
around. Will add more later :-)
For the more interested -> Marathi Language

Paradise

Stepped out for some fresh air
heard a marriage break
Too many players in the game
Everyone with their take

He raised his voice
She pointed her finger
Ego has its day
but its heart ache that will linger

Vessels made some noise
sobs and cries stifled
Both out on the front
With two pointed rifles

She went too far
He couldn't catch up
She didn't look back
and He wouldn't match up

You are a woman
stay put in your shoes
I am man
I can do whatever I do

Love lost its meaning
in that petty moment
Both lived larger than life
and THEY stayed in perpetual torment

Times loved and lost
never found again
Paradise once squandered
only Milton could regain

Will She leave him or
will He hold on
no one knows for now
the game is far too complex
for mere mortals who know

The sun shining through in my raindrops

A phone call from a higher plane
a local call or a dream was it?
A little laughter and moments awry
long talks and a short storry.
The bus, the wait, the coffee brew
An awesome smile that sees me through
Thundering monsoons on a yellow blanket
exotic locales on an unplanned junket
Long days and longer nights
sounds, the Silent Valley and amazing sights
Life is pretty when it pours
Washes away all your sours
Menacing grays or inviting blues
I will give both their due
Blues dont last and neither does gray
Sunshine, Rain... nothing stays
So why worry about a sky that's gray
It holds the promise of sun and hay
For its not life without some sun
and without some rain it is no fun

Forever Wait

kabhi yuN bhi to ho
dariyaa kaa saahil ho, poore chaaNd ki raat ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yuN bhi to ho
pariyoN ki mahfil ho, koi tumhaari baat ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yuN bhi to ho

kabhi yuN bhi to ho
ye naram mulaayam ThanDi havaayen
jab ghar se tumhaare guzaren, tumhaari Khushboo churaayen
mere ghar le aayen
kabhi yuN bhi to ho

sooni har mahfil ho, koi naa mere saath ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yuN bhi to ho

kabhi yuN bhi to ho
ye baadal aisaa TooT ke barse
mere dil ki tarah milne ko, tumhaara dil bhi tarse
tum niklo ghar se
kabhi yuN bhi to ho
tanhaai ho dil ho, booNde hoN barsaat ho aur tum aao
kabhi yuN bhi to ho
dariyaa kaa saahil ho, poore chaaNd ki raat ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yuN bhi to ho

Muddat aur dosti

baad muddat ke mila hai dost mujhko
aa kareeb aa ke seene se laga lu tujhko
ye to bazaar hai, har cheez bikti hai yahaan
dekh le shayad na bacha paun tujhko

"HE" had plans

An unplanned weekend it was... rather there weren't any plans
made for this weekend. So it was going on a casual note when
suddenly God revealed his first plan.. of sending me to this awesome
all night music concert in town, the Gururao Deshpande Sangeet
Sabha. With stalwarts like Ashwini-Bhide-Deshpande and Pandit
Hariprasad Chaurasia playing it was an offer I couldn't resist.
And the weather was amazing.. it was just right to be out whole
night... with a light drizzle in between, calm, quiet and cool...
It was well worth the price I payed - dear dear sleep. :-)
Pity I couldn't hang around till the last performance. But it wasn't
bad coming home at 5am and driving on empty Bangalore roads..
a sight you can rarely even imagine.. and need I mention the drive
was abuse-free.. lol.

Sunday was moving smoothly with old Hindi classics (and man was
that music or what!) till I got an invite for dinner. Met up an old friend,
literally and figuratively :-P ... and like I mentioned in one of my earlier
posts, it feels amazingly good to reconnect at the same level as earlier
despite time. Nothing like a heart to heart chat over piping hot coffee.
So a weekend well spent.

So how you been and how was your weekend? :-)

Ramblings of an idle mind

lost in love, found by friendship
shown the way and taken care

lost in friendship never gets found
angels do not tread those grounds

Road Less Travelled

Aankhon mein kitane mausam... pal me beete kitane saal...
[Eyes... the window to my soul.. reflect the seasons I behold..
snow, sun, wind and rain.. a hundred seasons in a glance told]

Feels somewhat like that doesn't it.. on your birthday. Well, not
exactly :-P Most times I do not even remember what I did last bday!
People put you on a pedestal on that day and the very next day you
have to bite the dust. How sad. It is like the numerous "This Day, That Day"
celebrations. Worship on one day and abuse the next.
Well.. my bday's haven't been like that anytime. Touchwood :-)
But its sad to let go of all the affection showered on you one day of the year.

So I have digressed from the topic. Anyway. What I was trying to say was..
Do you look back on your bday (or New Year for some) and track the progress
you have made and make plans of where you want to be the next bday?
How does it feel if you have missed a few milestones on the way? Course
corrections are an imperative for some, yes :-) But do you then sit and sulk
on that day thinking of where you could have been rather than enjoying where
you are?

I have realised by now (yes, late by other people's standards and early by some
others, but whatever) ... that I am not a goals person. Well.. Yes and No.
I am a short term goals person... and they are not earth shattering goals...
small, tiny, insignificant types. However the big thing is that I have learnt
I enjoy the excitement in taking chances, meeting strangers on the way,
reaching a place I hadn't planned to go to. Well sometimes it hurts, ofcourse,
but atleast I am having fun for most parts. So thats a risk I face anyday.
And I think that risk is something everybody takes in everything they do,
don't they? So what would you rather choose.... a straight laid path that
takes you exactly where you want to go with planned trouble and fun...
or a path that is wayward by nature and opens the doors of the most
exciting places you could ever be?

aankho ki jazeeronko mere naam kardo...
mere sapnonki duniya apne naam kar lo

Tumse Hii

Har ghadi saans aati hai
Zindagi kehlati hai
Tumse hi tumse hi

Na hai yeh pana
Na Khona hi hai
Tera Na hona jane
Kyun hona hi hai

Aankhon mein ankhne teri
Bahoon mein baahein teri
Mera na mujhe mein kuch raha hua kya
Baaton mein baatein teri
Raatein saugatein teri
Kyun tera sab yeh ho gaya
hua kya
Mein kahin bhi jata hoon
Tumse hi mil jata hoon
Tumse hi tumse hi....

Good Day, Bad Day

Was today as bad for you as it is for me?
Lost were you or
found your way to nowhere
Strangers giving directions
and close-ones clobbering up there
Fight did you to break shackles
or lie down calm despite the ruckus

People gone by and times flowin fast
it appeared like a blast from the past
Blast it did - my mind and my brain
still figuring if it was wind or rain
You on the outside
or sheltering me inside?
Blinding as it was the unmerciful terrain

To stay or give up
you could choose
Whichever you pick, you won't lose
For I have traded your bad days with my good
Your losses with my wins, so you stay cool.

Never will another day be bad anymore
The bad's been traded for hope, laughter and more.

Multiverse, Free Will and Compatibilism

I had never understood "The Matrix".. until lately.
Of course I wouldn't say I did it all by myself... I had help..
and you know what I mean. ;) But anyway the important thing
is that I now kinda understand it. So here's what I think... but wait..
don't right away tell me I am right or wrong. I am still
formulating my own universal theory.. so.. :-)

Well.. I now kinda believe that multiverses do exist.
And for the uninitiated I also believe in free well and compatibilism.
You see, it is through the theory of multiverses that
both the other theories can exist - to you, the non believer.
For the believer I don't think it needs any explanation :-)

I believe every creature on this planet can exercise free will.
It is like a matrix where at every juncture there are multiple
choices YOU can make which will determine your future path.
Right... so in YOUR current universe you are living your choices.
And at the same time in the other multiverses YOU make choices
different from the one you made today. So at any given point of time
all the options, or choices if you like, are exercised and YOU are
part of every one of them. So, though YOUR destiny is decided for
(in advance as some believe) in this universe YOU are part of all the
possible course YOUR life could take if only YOU had chosen option
'B' instead of 'A'. That is why free will exists and so does destiny.

And that's how its done... :-)

Past Future

Saw a different movie today - The Lakehouse. Its about
2 people meeting each other in 2 different time slices at the
same time.

More about it later.

An amazing gift

from the organisation I work with... an Ipod Shuffle.
Wow.. I am thrilled. Its so small and so convenient and
so powerful. Its cool. :-)

Exploring...

First poetic attempt of this year.

A weak (I think) attempt to capture the movies playing in our mind.
:-)

aaj tujhi majhi punha bhet zali
tya pahilya nazarechi navin olakh patali

dole mitun jevha tujhe chitra rekhatale punha
junyach tya reghanchi navyane olakh zali
aale asatil na tumhalahi asech nave june aanubhav
saare kahi tech tari hurhur ti navi navi
toch chaand aani tich mi,
tu hi toch an jaadu ti havi havi

gaccha mitalele dole wate
ughadu nayet kadhich kevha
swapnwat tya kshanachi keleli
paarayana hi tevhadi khari

halahalata jeev tya sparshala punha,
veda aatur amod saajara
nei mala dharun khechun jo tuch ka to khatyal kaanha?

tya mausut kirananchi ti navyane olakh patali
paahi mala sairbhair lajati mishkil nabhatala to ravi

The Circle of Life

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
Theres more to be seen than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done

Some say eat or be eaten
Some say live and let live
But all are agreed as they join the stampede
You should never take more than you give

In the circle of life
Its the wheel of fortune
Its the leap of faith
Its the band of hope
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life

Some of us fall by the wayside
And some of us soar to the stars
And some of us sail through our troubles
And some have to live with the scars

Theres far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round

It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life